The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
