can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
