As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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