piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
