Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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