So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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