Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my being single is dangerous.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
