I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
