the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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