i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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