Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
