My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
