my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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