You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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