You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
