last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My underwear smells like fireworks.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
