rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
