So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
