Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
