I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
