Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
