since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
