Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
