Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
