I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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