I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
