I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
