You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
