Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
