I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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