Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
