Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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