yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
