You just made me feel so damn special
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
