I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
