I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
