How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
