New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
