I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
