Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
