But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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