just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
