Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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