Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
