I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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