You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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