i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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