I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
