It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
