I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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