well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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