I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
